The Journey of Endless Crossroads...

Life is a Gift !

2011-12-05T18:33:00.001+08:00

Today before you think of saying an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house, someone didn't clean or sweep -Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive - Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.

Life is a story told by God...

Life is a gift, Live it, Enjoy it, Celebrate it, And fulfill it!

The Times of Our Lives !

2011-06-08T12:13:00.003+08:00

Hello loves.

So, I'm on holidays now. Well, not exactly holidays - more like study break /term break. I'm supposed to be studying more than ever, i know that. But I just can't seem to get my mind to it. I'm totally just hating this ! In fact, I actually miss school. I miss the long holidays with no tension, the going to school and messing around with friends, not bothered about homework routine, disturbing the teachers, and simply having the time of our lives. I miss my friends the most. It's true that I have new friends, but it's never the same you know. I miss my classmates, especially during my classes nowadays where everyone is all serious and study, study, study ! I miss our Class Joker(s), the Class Brainiac(s), the Class Black Sheep, The Class Hottie(s), the good-for-nothing Class Leader and so on... So this post I would like to specially dedicate to my beloved ex-classmates, whom I love and miss so much ! Wish we could still be causing a commotion in school everyday and getting on every teacher's nerves. Love you guys ! ;)

Let's face it... we've changed. We all changed. Somewhere between summer ending and school starting, we've gone in our own directions. Hearts were broken, friends diminished, new love started and new people came into our lives. We no longer spend all of our time in our circle of friends, we no longer talk for hours about nothing at all. We've changed -- some for the better, some for the worse. Some of us are finding love and others are trying to let go. Even though we've changed, we all know that even though we're all finding our own place in the world, that when we find out love, when we let go of a love, when the tears fall, or the happy smile spreads across our face... we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us and no matter what happens, nothing will ever change so much to the point that we'll never be friends forever.

As they say, there's nothing like school, it can either be the worst or the best times of your life. In the end, all that matters is what you make of it.

This is my wish for you...

COMFORT

on difficult days,

SMILES

when sadness intrudes,

RAINBOWS

to follow the clouds,

LAUGHTER

to kiss your lips,

SUNSETS

to warm your heart,

HUGS

when spirits sag,

BEAUTY

for your eyes to see,

FRIENDSHIPS

to brighten your being,

FAITH

so that you can believe,

CONFIDENCE

for when you doubt,

COURAGE

to know yourself,

PATIENCE

to accept the truth,

LOVE

to complete your life.

You guys are the best !

With love, hugs and kisses.

Dream or Reality ???

2011-05-31T00:12:00.003+08:00

Hello loves !

So my semester break / study break has just started. I'm still not so sure if this is good for me. Oh btw, I'm hating my economics classes, day by day. I'm so lost, I don't even understand anything ! I just hope I pass and do well to get the scholarship at the end of my course. I'm really hoping to get a scholarship ! Fingers-crossed. I'm supposed to be studying during these break but i can't seem to focus my mind to doing just that. Yeah, things have been pretty crazy around here. On one side, it's a dream that's finally coming true, and growing into reality. On the other hand, there's a very clear and vivid reality that is smack in my face - my studies ! Honestly, I'm just torn. All I wish to do now is to just focus on making this dream of mine come true, to put it into reality. But it just so happens that whatever we want to do is almost always the wrong thing to do. This so called 'inverse relationship' between what we want and what is right messes up almost everything ! Yet, we have to make a decision, make a choice - heart or logic, right or wrong, dream or reality ...

"There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other." - Douglas H. Everett -

On that note, I'm signing off folks. May all your dreams come true ! Good night :) xoxo

New Life, Same Me !

2011-05-09T21:00:00.003+08:00

Hey loves !

Okay, so I know it's been a really long time since I last blogged. It's just that I've been swamped with work and getting back into the whole studying rhythm. Yup, I've started college as of 28th March 2011. I am now, officially, doing my Edexcel A-Levels course. Well, so far it has had it's ups and downs - ups as in i've made many new friends and it is truly a very adventurous and fun new experience and the downs as in the studies are harder and i'm swamped with work every single day ! No matter, I'm sure that before I know it, it will be my finals and it will probably be time for me to move on to University. Gosh, just the thought of it, gives me goosebumps ! Somehow, this year feels to be moving pretty fast, I mean I can't believe it's been almost 2 months since I've joined college. Scary !

Anyways, I gotta go now. Have to get started on all the work ! :) Till the next time,

Arrivederci.

Best Moment in Life !

2011-03-23T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hey loves ! :)

So, it's been a wild new year so far... I've been to Los Angeles after my SPM Examinations and 4 days after I got back, I left to India for what was supposed to be my sister's graduation but that got postponed, so it was just another adventurous holiday. We travelled around South India and then to North India, and back to South India - all in 2 weeks ! :) Then, I decided to take a trip to Singapore to visit my aunt and cousins over there for a week. I came home and took a week's break. Then, I ended my travelling adventure with a 4 - day visit to Ipoh, my grandma's place. And after that it was just bumming around at home, helping mom with house work, helping dad as his personal assistant, and finding out about some college options, waiting for my SPM results...

Now, speaking of college options... I've actually changed my mind from Event Management to IT to Human Resource Management to Chemical Engineering and back to IT. Then, I finally narrowed it down to 2 options - IT or Law. So, I've been spending some time going for education fairs and talking to people around, people like my uncle and my cousin, who are both lawyers, my sister, my brother and of course my parents ! And finally, I've actually decided on Law.

23rd March 2011

The moment of truth finally had arrived. After a very long sleepless night, I woke up at 8.00 am. I took a slow shower, prayed one last time, forced some food down my throat and waited for the time to leave home. As soon as I got to school, I saw my Additional Mathematics teacher and she smiled and showed me a thumbs up. I took that as a "Good Luck" and smiled back. I stood there, waiting, talking to my friends, as I noticed that the school hall was getting more and more crowded by the minute. Finally, I saw my headmistress making her way up to the stage. She stood there and started her speech, announcing the increase of percentage of passes in each subject, and finally announcing the names of the 2 students who had gotten straight A's, one of whom was my classmate. Then, everyone else lined up at tables that were labelled by class to collect their results.

Me and my friends made our way to our class table, where we noticed our class teacher, Pn.Ong, was already sitting down there with a bunch of papers in her hands. We lined up anxiously waiting for our turn...

And finally, my turn was up. My teacher gave me our latest school magazine and a file with all my documents. Then, she scanned through the bunch of papers in her hand and pulled out my results. She held it up and began counting the number of A's I had. As she counted, in my head I was thinking "Oh, please keep counting!". When she stopped at the number 7, I grabbed the results out of her hand, turned and so happened to fall into my father's arms ! That feeling is something that no words can ever describe, I was so relieved ! Then, I hugged my mom and slowly gathered myself as I took some time to really take a look at my results.

It was a great moment for me. A moment that was worth the wait ! A moment that will last forever in my memories. Right now, I just thank God for all his blessings upon me and I honestly couldn't have asked for better...

Today, I know for sure, I'll sleep with a smile on my face. And it's not because of the 7A's that I got, but because of that look on both my parents faces today, as people congratulated them... Because of that feeling of making my parents so proud and just to know that I'm the reason behind it, that is priceless !

The Trip of a Lifetime - Christmas !

2010-12-27T10:27:00.003+08:00

25th Dec 2010

Merry Christmas! Finally, it was the very much anticipated day of the year. My aunt decided not to get a tree this year (she claims because i'm here!) MEAN :) So we just gathered all our gifts in a corner of the living room. It was an early call this morning and we all gathered to open up our Christmas gifts, as tradition holds. I opened my presents first. I got a jacket from my aunt and uncle, A couple of perfumes from Sharan and Simran, and I got a pair of pink pyjamas from Balpreet. Sharan got the calendar from me, a jacket from the parents, pyjamas from Balpreet and a pink bathrobe from Simran. Balpreet got chocolate bread from me, a weird little book and a 'sisters' calendar from Sharan, a jacket from the parents and nothing from Simran :) In the same way, Simran got nothing from Balpreet, got an identical jacket from the parents, a calendar from me and the very much wanted Justin Bieber book from Sharan. She literally jumped on Sharan and wept with joy for the book (she's been wanting it, forever!).

After that whole Christmas morning hoop-la, we got dressed and packed our bags for our two night stay at Irvine, with Uncle Dalvinder's family - Aunty Sham, Sidhu and Harishma. I was anxious to meet the gang of the Malaysian Group ( their small circle of Malaysian families and friends, including my aunt, uncle, and cousins, who live in the LA area )... We started off with a Christmas lunch where I finally met Uncle Danny, Aunty Moni and her family - Uncle Thyland, Hiren and Jiten. It was a pot-luck type of lunch - Malaysian style, of course! Oh, I almost forgot to mention the huge dog in their house. He's not a dog really, more like a bear! His name is Taj (The Terrible!), he has white fur and is practically as tall as me when he stands on two feet! Scary. Anyways, during lunch, we mingled while some of the kids played HALO on the Xbox in their home. Later, we indulged ourselves in a Christmas Day family movie. The chosen movie was Anjaana Anjaani and as it is a Hindi love story, the men managed to squeeze in a short nap. Then, we had our Christmas Tea Party with a little bit of fondue fun - pretzels, marshmallows, strawberries and a delicious chocolate fountain! :)

Later, we visited a nearby neighbourhood to see some B-E-A-Utiful Christmas decorations (also another Christmas tradition). Apparently, the residents of these neighbourhoods compete amongst each other to get the title of the house with the best decorations. So anyways, we got back to the house, washed up and had some dinner.

Then, the most fun that night - Kinect on Xbox 360 ! First, we played the dancing version. We grooved to the music while copying the moves of a dancing character in the TV screen (or at least trying to). We all had at go at it and after some time, we were having what looked like a mini dance competition. While playing, Uncle Ragu decided to make a special appearance for a short while since he couldn't make it for lunch. He is the bachelor of the Malaysian group. Then, we decided to switch to the sports version. We played bowling, volleyball, table tennis, soccer and the most fun was track and fields ! :) Just the sight of both the Simrans running with their behinds in our faces as we sat on the couch behind them, it was simply too hilarious and priceless ! Anyways, we called it a night after being completely worn out ! I think that night definitely made my list of Most Memorable Memories... :)

26th Dec 2010

We woke up early that morning and well, wished the birthday girl of course - Balpreet! We helped ourselves to a delicious, typical, American breakfast. We washed up and got dressed for a girl's day out shopping. Aunty Sharmila took us for some shopping to the Spectrum Centre and then we grabbed some lunch at McDonalds. Then, we came home and talked and just spent some time together, watched another hindi movie - Action Replayy. Later in the evening, my uncle came back with a new camera which he spent the entire day to get. Sharan gave her dad the slightly delayed Christmas present that she had been wanting to give him - a collector's edition, pint glass collection of the Beatles which I decided to get for my dad as well :) The, we had a small surprise for Bal as we had a cake for her. So we had a small cake-cutting ceremony for the little one and it turns out that her name was actually wrongly spelled. Yup, "Happy Birthday Balbreet" was written on her cake :) hahaha.

Later that night, Sharan and I wanted to watch a movie - love story, of course. But all the uncles decided to watch Dabangg, a new action hindi movie, so we just followed along. At the very same time, in the other corner of the house, the other girls - Bal, Sim, Sidhu and Harishma - were playing carom after mastering the game from Uncle Ragu. After, the movie, Sharan and I decided to hit the sack, finally ! The next morning was the day we went back home...

What a beautiful end to a great Christmas Day celebration !

The Trip of a Lifetime - Part II

2010-12-23T23:34:00.001+08:00

23rd Dec 2010

It's been pouring outside for days now. We haven't gone anywhere because of the weather. We've spent our days at home, sleeping in, bonding, gossiping and eating. Today, we decided to go to a shopping mall nearby, the Del Amo mall. Left the house at noon, my aunt dropped the 4 us girls at the entrance of JCPenny. As we walked into the mall, we browsed through some clothes. Then, we walked a little further only to find a huge SALE at Victoria's Secret - 7 items for $35, get the 8th item free. I was in heaven! We spent a good hour or more at that specific store. After much whining from Balpreet, and many sighs and "Ugh! Can we leave now?", we finally managed to pull ourselves out of there. We walked around a little bit more, saw an incredibly long line to take a picture on Santa's lap, did a little bit more shopping. Sharan bought herself 2 new jackets, I bought her and Simran a Christmas present - Kim Kardashian Calendar for Sharan and Justin Bieber Calendar for Simran. Then, we got hungry, of course! We went to the food court, I followed Simran to get her food, and then took Balpreet to Chick-fil-a to get her a sandwich (that spoiled child). I shared a lasagna with Simran, while Sharan just nibbled around on our food. We then made our way outside to wait for my aunt and my uncle to pick us up. It was so cold outdoors. We were all freezing!

On our way home, we dropped Simran off at her tuition and went to the Kumon Centre to pick up Balpreet's work. And then it was the same drill, all over again - Shower and chatting into the night.

The Trip of a Lifetime - Part I

2010-12-21T00:00:00.005+08:00

From Kuala Lumpur City Centre to the Beautiful City of Los Angeles... ♥

20th Dec 2010

I woke up early that morning. The clock was ticking and I still had some last minute packing to do. My flight was at 2.20 p.m. I had to check-in by 12.20 noon, which means I had to leave home by about 11.00 a.m. My mom and I got out of the house, bought a few last things and grabbed a quick breakfast. I got ready as my mom helped me pack the rest of the things. We left home, picked up my grandma and my little cousin brother, Karan from my aunt's house and left for the airport. My dad was lecturing somewhere nearby the KLIA so he was going to meet up with us there. I checked in my luggage, and my mom had requested for some assistance for me, as it was my first time travelling alone. I said my goodbyes, and walked towards the departure gate.

Before walking through the gate, I took one last look back, and waved at the 4 emotional people standing behind me, with anxious, and moist eyes. The lady escorted me, through the immigration and right up to my departure gate. From then on, I was on my own. So, I boarded the flight, settled into my seat, only to find an old Chinese man sitting next to me. Just then, I realized that the entire flight was filled with Asian people. Not a single brown face. This was going to be a LONG flight! As we took off, I began watching a movie to keep me entertained. Then, it was food time. The flight attendant gave me the food and when I opened it, it smelled and looked disgusting. It looked like uncooked chicken with some steamed vegetables on the side. I ate the fruits that were given with the meal, drank the water, took a bite of the chicken and decided not to continue with my meal. Instead, I decided to eat the biscuits that my mom had packed for me. Soon enough, at 6.50pm, the pilot announced that we had landed at the Taipei airport.

As I walked out of the plane, I managed to find a Malaysian lady who so happened to have a transit to some other place, so she was kind enough to help me get to my departure gate and we went our separate ways from there. I found a cafe with wireless internet connection, and managed to have a chat with my parents despite the very low connection. Then, I got myself a seat at the departure gate and waited for my next flight at 11.40pm. I read a book, watched a movie on my laptop, walked around a little bit. At that point, I was so bored, sleepy and hungry!

I boarded the flight and well, history practically repeated itself. Horrible food, Nice movies. This time, an American marine sat next to me in the flight. I slept for a few hours. Not very comfortably though. Then, about 10 minutes before I was about to land, an air-stewardess came up to me and told me to get my stuff - my uncle works at the airport, so he had asked someone to help me around. The stewardess, very friendly, took me all the way to first class, and told me to just sit there for a while. As soon as we landed at 7.10pm on the 20th of Dec (American time), I got off the plane, and met a ground staff, who helped me through immigration and to get my luggage. Then, she showed me the way out of the airport.

As I walked out, towards the arrival side, my eager eyes searched for a familiar face in the crowd of people standing around. Finally, there they were. My three beautiful Americano cousins - Sharan (18 - older to me by only 6 months), Simran (14), Balpreet (12). At that very moment, I felt a warm rush down my spine. I felt safe, at peace, I felt at home. We embraced each other - for this very much anticipated moment, we had waited for 10 whole years! Sharan was getting irritated as she had also just spent her entire day at the airport. She had just got back home from her college in San Francisco for winter break. It was pouring outside and chilly. The girls gave me the extra jacket that they had brought for me and then we made our way to the car where my uncle was waiting.

As soon as we got home, my aunt was standing at the door waiting to welcome me home, and she was so happy to see me. She said, "It's so nice to finally have you on our side the world!" I was starving of course, as I barely ate throughout my 22-hour journey. Thankfully, my aunt made chicken curry with rice. It felt so good to have proper food after what felt like ages! I freshened up, and talked to the younger ones for a while. When they went to bed, I continued talking with Sharan as we sleeping together. Before we knew it, time flew by and it was 5am. We decided to call it a night before her parents woke up :) I still could not believe that I was here, in LA, in her bedroom for a change, finally! It's like a dream come true... Slowly, I fell into a deep, hypnotizing, soundless sleep, as a result of the jet-lag and exhaustion of my frantic day.

LA, Here I am..! (",)

I'm Back (",)

2010-12-20T22:00:00.000+08:00

Hello loves!

It's good to be back to the blogging life... Ah, the sweet melody of my fingers just racing across the keyboard of my computer. Well, I just finished my finals on the 8th of Dec, and then I was SO very busy organising my class prom, which btw was great! (Not exactly how I had imagined it, but it's the company that counts after all right?) That was on the 15th of Dec, and then I got busy preparing for my vacation to The United States of America to visit my aunt, uncle and lovely cousins! :) In fact, I am sitting in their living room at this very moment, typing away. I left on the 20th of Dec in Malaysia and arrived on the 20th of Dec in America. It's a 22 hour journey, give and take. I am exhausted and jet-lagged! Don't worry about the details though. I shall be writing about my every experience here very soon :) I'm working on that. Anyways, enough about me now, How are you? :) Miss me? Sweet dreams... xoxo

Signing off,

Nikki ♥

Finally...

2010-10-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

Hey readers. It's me, Amy. So, after a very long time of obsessing and telling myself that i've moved on, I think I really finally have. After a very brief IM chat with him, I decided to write to Ryan and tell him everything - how he makes me feel, how he has hurt me, what i've been through and basically, every question and everything that was on my mind. Here's what I said...

Hey, I've been thinking. And I'm really sorry for this but I really need to say what I think... I'm tired of hiding it inside of me. What I told you today, it was all true. But it wasn't all of it. The truth is... You say that we have drifted apart and we're not the same - the way we used to be - any more. Well, truth be told, both of us are to be blamed for it. It's true that I haven't made much effort in trying to text you every now and then lately but I have my reasons. Ryan, it's just that you have no idea, how many times in the past I have sent u texts and ended up feeling so darn stupid about it, because I don't get a reply from you. And that just ruins my entire day. I can't explain how it feels, or how much it hurts...

You have no idea how it feels to text someone and not get a reply and beat yourself up so much for doing it just because you don't get a reply. I just gave up, and lost all hope after a while. At one point, I remember texting you and feeling bad about it. But I used to think to myself - "It's ok, he's just out of credit, or maybe his phone is not with him." That's what kept me going, until one day, Kelly was talking to me about you and she said "Yeah, I was just texting him yesterday. I've been texting Ryan all week in fact." And that was it, I broke. Words can't describe how I felt at that very moment - betrayed, crushed, shattered, disappointed, would be an understatement. I started doubting myself, thinking if you're texting Kelly then why aren't you texting me? Is something wrong with me? And that's when I decided...

"No, I'm not going to do this any more. It's just not me to cry over the past. I'm more of a 'embrace the present, look forward for the future and forget the past' kind of person." I changed, because of you, because of what you did to me, but NO MORE ! I remember, the very last time I got any kind of contact from you was during the carnival at our school last year. My class organised a ghost house and I was in the organising committee. I was crazily busy Ryan, and I was in and out of all the noise and dark, running from one corner of the school to another. Then, during break, I finally got a chance to check my phone for any missed calls or texts. And what do you know, I see 2 missed calls from you ! And that was it... I never heard from you again until recently. Ryan, I was totally drained out at the end of the day, I could barely stand straight. I even caught a cold and very soon after that, a fever. I had been up from 5am and had been running around till about 7pm, with only one, very short, break. I crashed on my bed as soon as I got home and all I could think about was "Why did Ryan call me? Why suddenly? What was that about?"

And then it dawned upon me, this is ridiculous ! I thought about it, and decided I was through with this, For real this time. "I'm not going to try to make the first step, send the first text, make the first call, or do any of that from now on. I'm not going to go out of the way to keep our friendship alive any more."

So, I'm leaving it to you... Now, our fate, our friendship, our future lies in your hands. I'm leaving it all in your power to do anything and everything you want to, to make this friendship of our's work. From now on, you make the first moves - send the first text, make the first call or do whatever you think will help. Because I am truly just tired of being the only one in this relationship, the only one fighting for us. If you feel our friendship doesn't mean that much to you, so be it, give up ! But if you still think our friendship actually means something or anything to you, and if you feel it's worth the fight... Well, I'll be waiting to hear from you soon.

Just so you know, I still believe in us, from the very core of my heart and i'll be here with you, by your side, throughout everything. I just won't be making any decisions for us for some time, until you actually realise this is something real that we have, and it's worth our time. It's all up to you Ryan, I trust you will make the right choices for us. Good luck ! We shall speak soon, hopefully. Till then, I miss you...

With love, your best friend,

Amy.

So Much To Say, So Much To Do, So Little Time!

2010-08-20T14:17:00.004+08:00

I can't imagine how fast this year is coming to an end! It's crazy how time flies right in front of you and you don't even notice it. SCARY! Anyhow, life's been hectic with many things. On the social and family side of it, my partners in crime have just left after a long vacation here and things are all back to normal now, finally. On top of that, the Americanos (my cousins) have also just left after a week of holidays here. School however, is incredibly fun. I've just written my speech as the ex-head prefect of the school, for our magazine... I'm busy planning a trip for the English Language Society as the I'm the President. I have my days when I get terrible news, and sometimes excellent news! It's usual, the ups and downs :) :) But the studying totally sucks! I've got plenty of catching up to do, and i just don't seem to be in the mood for any of it! I've got a deadline, and I have to give it my all to pass with flying colours in my SPM, it's essential! I have no idea if i'll be able to do it, but my fingers are crossed, and I pray to God, for the strength and blessing to excel in the exams... (",) It's all simply nerve wrecking! So, it's time to pull up my socks, and buck up. No more tv, no more facebook, no more blogging, no more twitter... It's all study, Study, STUDY! Wish me luck loves, cause i'm going in! ;)

It's a Blue Moon...

2010-07-06T22:29:00.002+08:00

It's a mistake on both our parts. I'm truly very sorry for not trying harder. I feel so bad for putting you in so much misery. I hate to see you hurting and even worse, when its me being the reason behind it! I'm so sorry, how can i ever apologize. && and about having no1 to talk to, I'm so sorry but i think i need some time b4 i can start talkin to you the way i used to. I need to be able to trust you again, the way i used to, cuz i don't seem to be able to trust any1 the way i used to. But i'm working on it, a step at a time. I just need some time. To trust again. I'm sorry. Plus, You're absolutely right, i didn't want to talk to you at the time. I just... I can't, you're like a totally different person to me now. I used to think of you as somebody who would never, ever hurt me. And now I just can't stop picturing the past year without you and how you just walked out on me, with no word. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do now, it's just changed everything. You can't just call me up one day, and think you're goina make it all go away, you just can't. It doesn't work that way, it doesn't make it better. I've been trying to get over you but as soon as i get used to the idea of not having you around, and as soon as i'm up on my feet again, you come back, and once again, i'm falling. I was afraid, and i didn't know what to expect. I'm sorry, I really truly deeply am. If only there are words to explain how sorry I am to you. For what it's worth, I've missed you, more than anything in the world...

By Your's Truly,

Amy Kathleen ♥

WE SHALL OVERCOME... (",)

2010-06-05T16:07:00.002+08:00

Hum honge kaamyab,

ek din...

Man mein hai vishvaas,

Puraa hai vishvaas,

Hum honge kaam yab,

ek din...

We shall overcome,

We shall overcome.

We shall overcome,

someday...

Deep in my heart,

I do believe,

We shall Overcome,

someday...

Halfway there...

2010-06-05T15:32:00.004+08:00

It's been months since I've blogged. Life's been crazy and time simply just hasn't allowed me to do so. I've been working like a mad person lately. Just one thing after another, coming my way. Anyways, it's finally the beginning of my holidays! YAY! :) That's right, the mid-year holidays have just started, reminding that i've only got half a year left to reach my goal. Making me wonder Where the days of have disappeared? I'm getting closer and closer, day by day, and it's freaking me out! && to kick off the holidays, one of my closest friends, Ravjoth came to my house last night for a sleepover and had some girlie time :) we watched some movies, painted our nails, gossiped, checked our mails, and i put henna for her. I'd say it's pretty good start to our 2 weeks of holidays. However, in my case, since i'll be sitting for my SPM this year, which is like the most important year for a Malaysian student throughout their school life, I'll be having extra classes every single day for the next 2 weeks. So, it's not very much of a holiday for me. I've got a lot of work and catching up to do for my studies. Hopefully, 2 weeks will be enough. Well, that's all I have to say for now. From the busy busy me :) *sigh*

Moving On...

2010-04-20T15:07:00.002+08:00

Hey, It's Amy. I know I haven't written in about 2 months but i've been a little occupied. Anyways...

Comment on 'Love Letter' from my best friend...

As much as I hate to be the one bursting your bubble, I'm gonna be the one to do so. Babe, you gotta move on. You can keep waiting all you want but it will only leave you with more disappointment. Ryan ain't coming back. He's can be compared to the wind. Once it passes a place, it ain't coming back once again.

I know, I know moving on just doesn't seem like the best option right now but having been your best friends for donkey years, I think it's fair for me to say that it is best. I see you in school with only a plastered smile. Because there is this hole in your heart that he left when he walked out of your life. Neither me nor Raven nor your sister can do anything about it but yourself. It's in your hands to pick yourself up now, and walk that risky thin wire.

Regardless of whether it may lead to more disappointment or happiness. Either way, you move on. Ryan will always be a memory of what you both had in the past and you will always have him, in your heart. In reality, he's just some ordinary guy who now is in love with another girl. Even though he won't text and and inform you about his recent happenings, I can do so if that's what you want. If it helps to know that he's doing well. I love you to bits and as terrible as my life now seems, I'm not gonna watch your world come crumbling down on you. You can fool other people but not me.

With love,

Kelly.

The Hollow Spaces...

2010-04-18T13:50:00.002+08:00

They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now.

I was crying on a ship the other day when I dropped a tear in the ocean. I made a promise to myself that the day someone finds it is the day I will stop thinking about you.

Have you made promises as such?

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. In my case, it doesn't get better. Because I don't even know if we are going to see each other ever again.

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will. and I can't help it.

You see, at first I didn't know how to fall in love. Now that I have - I don't know how to fall out of it.

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out. And tell you how I feel, how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart - locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too. but I'll never know.

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell.

and If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. or even if it was a penny for my every thought of you, I would be rich!

Lately...

2010-04-12T18:04:00.003+08:00

I'm confused. I don't know what i'm feeling. It's unpleasant, but I wouldn't say I'm sad. I can't find words to explain this feeling.

It's cold, terrifying, upsetting. Maybe it's a reaction from everything going on around me, maybe it's just me. I don't know. On top of that, there are so many things happening so fast and I just feel like i'm constantly running just to try catching up.

Life feels empty, meaningless.

No goals, no point in trying, no destiny, no dreams to come true.

That's how it feels.

Whatever it is, this feeling isn't helping anything in life. At the moment, life feels weird.

The Used - Paralyzed

2010-04-12T17:47:00.002+08:00

Before I could ever let you go, gonna beg until I drive you mad

And say something you could understand

I'm a statue baby, knock me out

Oh how these moments fade away, you say you never loved me

We say things we didn't mean to say

I take it back, I take it all back now

I take it back, I take it all back

Paralyzed by the same old antics

Back and forth like some walking spastic

How could a fistfight be romantic?

Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

You mean more to me than you'll ever know

You're my girl and I think it's a shame

That we get along this way

I'm just a statue try to knock me out

I guess these moments fade away, you say you never loved me

We say things we didn't mean to say

I take it back, I take it all back now

I take it back, I take it all back

Paralyzed by the same old antics

Back and forth like some walking spastic

How could a fistfight be romantic?

Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

Paralyzed by the same old antics

Back and forth like some walking spastic

How could a fistfight be romantic?

Thinking back now will you ever feel the same?

Ya I know you feel the same, you gotta let me know

I'm dying inside you know

Knock me out

I'm dying inside you know

Let me know, knock me out

Paralyzed by the same old antics

Back and forth like some walking spastic

How could a fistfight be romantic?

Thinking back now will you ever feel the same? (3x)

You gotta let me know

I'm dying inside you know

Knock me out

I'm dying inside you know

Let me know, knock me out.

In the Present

2010-03-27T17:19:00.003+08:00

Hey, I know it's been some time now since i've blogged, but life and time just hasn't really allowed me to do so. Hmm, well, what can I say? It's just one of those times in life where you have some good days and some bad days. However so, the good moments are only good for a moment because after the moment's over, the feeling of loneliness and stress comes rushing back in, taking over every inch of your body - bumming you out, completely! I guess another contributing factor is that when I get back home and cry it all out, the feeling of wanting someone to be sitting next me and holding me tight in my arms, making me feel ever so safe, saying that everything's going to be alright - just the way it used to be - eats me from my very core. Then, the memories of the person who used to be there every single time crawls into my head and I end up feeling even worse because now I miss that someone & wish that certain person was here, with me. There are also days when I tend to feel the loss of a missing person, someone who never existed in my life, but I feel the necessity of having this person in my life - even without knowing who this individual is. I just feel like there's a empty space in my heart, that nothing seems to be able to fill - like the hole in Bella's heart. It's a big tangled up wire of emotions and i'm smack in the middle of it - just hoping to find my way out, soon enough. So, yeah, that's how life's been for me lately. And this post is also dedicated to a friend who insisted that I blogged about my present feelings and emotions!

Everything Happens for a Reason...

2010-03-07T22:35:00.001+08:00

Sometimes people come into your life

and you know right away that they were meant to be there,

they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson

or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be;

your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover

or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them,

you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you

and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair,

but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles

you would never have realized your potential, strength, will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity

all occur to test the limits of the soul.

Without these small tests,

if they be events, illnesses or relationships,

life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life

and successes and downfalls you experience,

they are the ones who create who you are.

Even the bad experience can be learned from...

Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them,

for they have helped you learn about trust

and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you,

love them back unconditionally,

not only because they love you,

but because they are teaching you to love

and opening your heart and eyes to things

you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment

and take from it everything that you possibly can,

for you may never be able to experience it again.

Talk to people you have never talked to before,

and actually listen,

let yourself fall in love,

break free and set your sights high.

You can make of your life anything you wish.

Create your own life and then go out and live it!

Left Out much?

2010-02-23T20:21:00.003+08:00

It's true, when I'm upset, pissed or even when I'm sad, no matter what it is - I cry, and only to myself. I try my hardest not to let anyone know it, and most of the time - I succeed. I guess it can be said that the years of practice of holding back really paid off! I hate anger and yelling. I don't like seeing other people lose control of themselves. If confronted with a person yelling I usually get very quiet, walk away and then burst into tears or at least pout. But when it comes down to my friends or family being involved, I don't cry. I get a rush, I begin to feel cold, my ears get warm, my heart starts beating faster, and I have to steady my breathing to control my emotions from responding in a extreme manner. I speak calmer when someone is shouting in an attempt to control myself as well as tone the other person down. I do not like to shout, but I can and I WILL get pretty loud if necessary. Well, a little piece of advice, you don't wanna see me get loud. Because you will regret it. Believe me when i tell you this, This is still me being very calm. And if you don't keep that mouth of yours in control, you'll see a side of me that you've never seen before. And I'm not saying it only for myself, but for my girls as well. And don't you ever think in a million years, that we'd fall for your crap, cuz' we'd stand together, hand in hand and just blow away little birds like you, with a very effortless whiff of air. So, if you like yourself even the slightest bit ( I totally understand, it's not that easy to like you, and I agree!), back off!

The Last Camp

2010-02-23T20:20:00.005+08:00

So, here's the thing. We left at 8.30 a.m. on Saturday. Reached our destination - Homestay "Sg. Hj Dorani, Sabak Bernam which is in the north of Selangor - by 10.30 a.m. Got off the bus, took our bags, and headed for the refreshments laid out on the table for us. Some rose syrup and some curry puffs. A very brief break for me though. I was called about 2 minutes after we reached and the one of the facilitators there, Corporal Adzemi asked me if I was the Head Prefect. Upon getting the confirmation, he asked for the assistant head prefect and found that it was a girl too. He wasn't to comfortable with it but after much thought, he decided to go ahead and make me the headman (or rather headgirl in this case) - just for the record, i didn't want to be. Anyways, I had to get everyone gathered and then they separated the 77 of us into 6 different groups. and the nightmare begins from then on. I wouldn't wanna go into any details, cuz' honestly, i don't wanna re-live that experience!

So, the corporal called me upfront. I was told to give the orders and shout at the very top of my voice, and give the commands to the group - you know, that whole 'kawad kaki' crap! and i'm not the type of girl who can be strict. I can be loud - YES! very loud, but never strict the way they asked me to be! These people were my fellow prefects, and they wanted me to shout at them. Hey, i would, but never so formally. Anyways, things just got worse from then.

We had an activity later that night, where they pushed us right to the edge. One of the facilitators' who was handling that particular slot to be exact. Out of nowhere, he just got all fired up, and begun to shout at us and scold us, and well basically just criticize all of us, especially all the group leaders and of course, the head girl! Things got so far, it had led to almost every prefect in that circle to tears. Some more than others, but nobody was satisfied that night. After that rather horrifying episode, we then got ourselves together, for the next activity. By this time, it was about 12.30 a.m. the next day. We lined up, and they gave us a short briefing, and we were set to go. The activity was that of us, walking in our groups, all alone, through the streets of this village in the middle of the night, with nothing but a fire torch in the pitch black darkness of the place. The distance of where we were, to our destination, didn't make things any better. We had to literally walk from one end of that huge village, to the other!

Anyways, as we reached the hall that we were at earlier that day, we helped ourselves with some refreshments, and by the time we left to go back to our homestay houses, it was about 2 a.m. and we were exhausted! However so, when we got back -myself and my 4 other housemates - we sat up until 3 a.m. talking about the very traumatic day we had.

The next day was not as bad, and i was looking forward to it, as we got to go back home. We got up at 5.30 in the morning, showered and packed up. We left the house by about 8.30 a.m. and had another slot for the 'kawad kaki' and then moved on to some aerobics. Then, we carried on with a couple of other activities until about 12.30 p.m. So, we got back home, got all our stuff and came back to the hall for the closing ceremony, where I had to say a few words as the head girl, on behalf of all the prefects. Then, we said our goddbyes and were off to come home.

Besides the 2 detours that we had n the way home - a 'nata de coco' factory and also some 'keropok' factory - we had a fun ride back, and i'm sure everyone was relieved to be going home. Whether they were just as much as me, i doubt it, because I was simply ecstatic!! :)

All and all, it was truly one heck of an experience.

Signing off,

Arwin Gill

SMK SETAPAK INDAH

It's Time...

2010-02-19T11:42:00.003+08:00

So, today is when I pack up and prepare for the camp that has been a very huge topic of conversation among all prefects in school. I'll be leaving tomorrow at 7.30 a.m. and shall be back on Sunday evening. I must say that i'm feeling a little anxious - excited and nervous - for this whole thing and somewhat lazy in fact. Apparently, this is supposed to be a completely different experience than all our other camps from the past years. This time, we're not going to be at a camping base or anything. We're going to have a "home stay" camp. Frankly, I have no idea what the difference is, so don't bother asking me! :) However, i'll definitely get back and update you guys a.s.a.p. Hope it'll be good. Wish me luck! Till then, Stay tuned. Hugz and Kisses

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Rest in Peace - J.D.

2010-02-19T00:09:00.002+08:00

It was a day just like any other. I woke up early, went for an add maths extra class, came home and had some breakfast, watched a little bit of television. Then, my mom told me to help her out with the huge pile of dishes in the sink. So, as she left to send my dad to work, i got up and headed to fulfill the task on my hands. As I finished, I remembered I hadn't fed my pet fish, J.D. for today. He's a tiny little fighting fish, and they only have one meal a day. His is usually in the mornings. So, as i walked over to his little fish bowl, I see him in a odd position and at that instant I knew what was going on. I put down the bottle of food and carried him into the house. As his fish form floated lifelessly on the surface of the water in the bowl, i watched in shock. I had just cleaned his tank last night, and it all seemed fine. Although, I kinda knew it was coming. His scales had been changing colour to that of a silver-ish purple. And after all, J.D's not our first pet fish. However so, somehow, it felt wrong. Like something just wasn't right but whatever it is, nothing I can do now. I waited for my mom and dad to get back and then we paid our last respects and disposed of the figure that was once o home for a soul of a fish. As whacky as it sounds, we had somewhat of a connection, i guess you can say. Anyways, R.I.P to J.D. who has now moved on to the Great Beyond and to a place where he's much happier, living as another creature of God - in whatever other form he has been blessed with. And yes, just like any other creation of God in my life, J.D. was truly a miraculous one! xoxo

P.S. You guys may be thinking i'm a psychotic freak, who talks about her fish like it's actually a person. Well, forgive me, but that's just the type of person I am. I believe in life and in love - and i believe in it despite the form in which it comes. I'm the type of person who lets anyone make her believe in the magical and in the unexplainable. I'm the girl who lets people make her believe that she can do the extraordinary, be it a child, a teenager, a 50 year old man, or even a fish! and yes, I also believe that everything happens for a reason. Call me naive, but hey, that's me! (",) and i'm not changing myself.

Signing off - The crazy girl that misses and loves her dead fish.

Love Letter...

2010-02-14T20:30:00.002+08:00

Hey bloggers. It's Amy. So, since you guys know pretty much about my life, i'd say it's pointless for an introduction. Moving on... Yes, it's true. Ryan's back in my mind. Constantly reminding me of the fact that he's not a part of my life anymore. I think about him and all i can wish for at that particular moment is to be able to see him, and talk to him. It's been months, and it just isn't getting any better. And all this while, i thought i was succeeding in getting over him, but truth be told, I was only burying my feelings deep into a dusty corner of my heart, which sometimes feels like it's petty and unimportant while the other times, it feels like that's the only part of my heart I have left. I MISS HIM! and it's the truth, for now at least. I've been thinking, if ever he decides to read this blog, everything I would want him to know... and this is what I could come up with for now.

I'm tongue-tied. Weird, isn't it? Hmm... Screw this, I'm just gonna say it.

"It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart... The smile on your face lets me know that you need me, there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me, whenever I fall, you say it best, when you say nothing at all..." You were right Ryan, you were absolutely right when you decided to make it "our song". It's just that, I don't know if it actually meant anything to you or meant as much to you as it did to me. To me, the days we spent together were the best in my lifetime. I'm just so hurt and disappointed in knowing that nothing mattered to you. All this while, all the promises, all the texts, all of them, just utter lies - nothing but words? I just don't get it. I wanna know, WHY? Why out of the 3000++ students in our school, why me? Why lie and get my hopes up high in hoping that you were after all the perfect guy. I've seen both, bad and great relationships and seeing you for the first time, i thought there's no way i'd even talk to a guy like that, let alone be close to him. With all the stories i'd heard about your girls, and i thought, i'm never falling for a guy like him, where things would get so complicated. And then we started talking and i thought maybe, just maybe i was wrong. It wasn't going to get bad, it wasn't going to be complicated at all, just smooth sailing - all along. But I guess I should have never changed my mind, because at the end of the day, I was right, spot on in fact. It's true, we shared some laughter and treasured moments together, and they were perfect. But, I'm all alone, right here, right now. Abandoned, with nothing but memories. Memories of all the moments and just the fading memory of us.

Don't you dare tell me that it was impossible. Because I know what a load of crap that would be. All i was asking for was just a friend, just your presence in my life. Tell me, was that too much to ask? If it was, i'll admit, I was wrong all along. But the fact is that you promised, and you promised me that it would be done. And just as always, you broke this promise the moment it was made. You tell me that you tried, and that you put in an effort, to make it work. But hey, relationships aren't supposed to be such hard work. It's just not. and if you do have to work that hard to fix it, or to make it work, then that relationship is just not worth your time and it's simply not meant to be. and if you felt that all along, all you had to do was just tell me, and I would have calmly walked out of your life, and I promise, it would have been as if I never existed in your life.

All the while, I repeated myself, over and over again! "I'm here for you, tell me what's wrong", "i'm here for you, tell me what's bothering you"... And always reassured you that i wasn't just saying it, and that I actually did mean it. and yet all I got from you was a sour and depressed face saying "I've got a lot going on in my life and it's just hard to cope". But you never wanted to tell me what it was that was bothering you so much, what was that "so much" that had been going on in your life. What was so bad that it had gotten you to start drinking and smoking senselessly.

After we broke up, you promised to stay as close as ever. Naturally, you didn't keep your word. Instead, yes, we still kept in touch, we still chatted. And after a very short while of us breaking up, you announce that you are now dating another girl - from church. Even then, I smiled with you, every time you spoke of her, and I listened carefully to every word you would say about her, and her beauty and her mannerisms and I watched closely how your eyes sparkled every time you spoke about her, I shared your pain and sorrow every time you guys had troubles, and I gave you advice for mending your relationship with her, eventually, I saw you beating yourself up for every time you had an argument with her. Despite all that, I still stuck by you, I never said a word, I never complained, I put on a smile on my face every time you were around. I tried my level best to hide all my feelings from you. Till today, I still put on a smile and gather myself and hold it all in. Only to find myself breaking down and not being able to hold any of the tears back, when I'm certain that I'm all alone, with no audience. And it's only because I realize that I can't just smile like nothings wrong, talk like everything's fine, act like it's all a dream and pretend it's not hurting me, It is! much more than you know it.

Many in school have asked me how you are, and what you're doing now after graduating out of school. Of course, they're favourite question is always "Do you miss him?" and all I can do is walk away and whisper "So much more than you know it..." Because i'm afraid, i'm afraid to show this feeling that I have in me. This hurt, this pain, this aching feeling of longing for you. This feeling is the total opposite of what I felt when I was with you. This fear, it's cold and it's terrifying. It's like a constant presence, always there, with me, deep in the core of me. You have no idea, how worthless, how unimportant I feel when anyone throws these questions to my face, and i'm just standing there, tongue-tied, not knowing what to say. Because the truth is that I don't know how you're doing or what you have started doing after school. And to add a little bit more to that effect, my best friends knows way more about you and she has so many more answers to all these questions - than I ever will. It hurts so bad, that you'd ignore even the slightest proof of my existence, while you still talk to my friend, every single day. It's not that I'm jealous of her, I can assure you of that. I just wish that maybe you would care about me, even if it is the least that you could give me. At least acknowledge the fact that I'm alive and existing in the same world as you are. At least have the common courtesy to clarify things before abandoning me here, in the middle of nowhere, confused and lonely. Kelly gives me an update every once in awhile, and with the news she throws in a little bit of "He asked me about you" , "he still cares about you, you know"or "he misses you"... and you know what, a year ago, that would have been enough, but not now, not anymore. A girl can only go so far based on these messages. Without a doubt, She needs some kind of proof after some time, at the very least of effort. Any proof.

All i'm saying is that I need to know. I need to know why you're doing this. I need to know the truth. The last I ever had any contact ( if that's what it was) from you was the 24th of October, where I had been extremely busy at the function in school, when I received 2 missed calls from you.Considering the time and place at the moment, I couldn't answer your calls. On second thought, I was in fact also a bit too pissed to be talking to you at the moment. and I'm sorry, I apologies for that. But even if I wanted to talk to you at the moment, I couldn't have because I was totally swamped! Anyhow, that was it. That was all I got. Just two phone calls and I never heard from you ever again after that. At the end of that day, I had gotten a terribly high fever and was under the weather for about a whole week after that. Yet, all I could think about was that phone call. I was broken and hurt. I mean, was that all I was worth? Just 2 phone calls and that was it? No other effort to try and reach me? No text or call afterwards. It disappointing. and honestly, I don't know if I can take that sort of pain anymore. So please, just do me a favour, tell me straight, what the deal is. and i'll stay out of your way if that's what you want. I'm just tired of pretending like it's not bothering me, because it is. and I don't know very much if I can hold it in any longer. So, if whatever we had meant even the slightest bit to you please help me get rid of this pointless hope that has become a part of me. You;'re the only who can do this, no one else. I would appreciate it tremendously. and perhaps I haven't earned the right to ask for it, but if you do care even a little bit, please. No pressure whatsoever, i'm just saying it would be nice if you could give me some answers, for once. and this time, preferably the truth. Because, I only have space for the truth and nothing else anymore. Please. It's a genuine request, that's all i have to say for now. and no matter what, I'll always love you. Missing you.

Waiting, Amy Kathleen Gill...♥

The Main Character...

2010-02-14T16:00:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how you

Can speak right to my heart

Without saying a word,

You can light up the dark

Try as I may

I could never explain

What I hear when you don't say a thing...

The smile on your face

Lets me know that you need me

There's a truth in your eyes

Saying you'll never leave me

The touch of your hand

Says you'll catch me

Whenever I fall

You say it best

When you say nothing at all...

All day long I can hear

People talking out loud

But when you hold me near

You drown out the crowd

Try as they may

They could never define

What's been said

Between your heart and mine....

It was the theme of their relationship, of their love, of their lives... It's been months,They have been living their lives, like two strangers who've never met,They talk, they laugh with everyone, with the exception of each other. Once again, It's Amy and Ryan.The on-going and never ending story of these star-crossed lovers; Amy Kathleen Gill and Enrique Ryan Sanders. Amy's friend, Kelly has been in touch with him, and has been telling her what he's been up to, thinking that it may help. However so, it does help for the shortest moment and immediately after that, a wave of sadness and disappointment come rushing in, and she feels horrible!She's been fine, all this while. But for some reason, lately, she hasn't been all that fine after all. She hears about him and feels the pain, she talks about him and can't finish her sentences. She thinks about him and wishes she didn't. As of today, Valentine's Day 2010, Amy is pouring out her heart on this blog. Hence, to all followers, tune in weekly for updates. Hugs and Kisses.

A Whole New World... Bubbles

2010-01-28T20:24:00.000+08:00

Today, a whole world starts for me. A whole new year, a new life. Today, is the day that I bid farewell to my one and only, legendary best friend, my sister, H. Balwindarjit Kaur Gill also known as Bubbles for a year and a half. Woke at 5 a.m, drove up to the KLIA Airport, Checked in Bubbles' luggage, where she had to go over to the oversized baggage to check in her bag. And after which, we bid farewell. Before walking through the immigration, she embraced me with the desire of holding on and never letting go. As our hands locked around each other, emotions came flooding in, and tears streamed down our cheeks... and she whispered "I'm going to miss you so much Apeye"... and all I did was just smiled and i said "take care of yourself and I began to sing a song that I "created" for her. and she laughed and embraced me once more. Then, she hugged everyone else in the family, my mom's face was dripping wet by the time it was her turn to hug bubbles. Then, she walked through the gates and went down the escalator. She turned around one last time before walking away and disappearing into the distance, and she waved and blew us a kiss, with a smile on her teary face.

My dear Bubbles,

You just left and i'm already missing you so much. Can't wait till you get home to visit. Hope you have lots of fun there, and like I said before, i'm only a text message or a phone call away. I don't know how we're going to pass through 6 months without seeing each other andhugging each other. But there's one thing i know for sure; I'm going to miss you ever so dearly. I'm going to miss having to make the perfect glass of Ribena for you, having someone to spoil and pamper, laughing at stupid things with you, disturbing your small teeth, of having my Domino's buddy, Medan buddy, Taboo buddy, Ribena buddy, drama buddy, Grey's buddy, FRIENDS buddy and many many other buddies! You're my best friend just as I am yours and I love you more than my life and existence. Without you all i'm going to be is Incomplete. I won't be able to say " Balwin Penji, You never jephi me today whole day..." Despite all that, I wish you all the very best for your year ahead, and let's just get this over with, shall we? :) Hand in hand, Side by side, let's pray that the year will end fast and beore you know it, you're back here with your goli and sraniand all your mess! :) :) ♥ I love sweetheart, I love you now, I have loved you before and i always will continue loving you, every single day of my life! :) You're one of my most valuable treasures and you're the apple of my eye. You're the best sister in the W.W.W... The entire world is a better place because they have bubbles. With no bubbles, life wouldn't be worth living. At least i know mine wouldn't be... :) Lots of love, hugs and kisses my darling sister, I'm going to miss you insanely! ♥ ♥ ♥

To me you are an angel in disguise.

Full of intuition, intelligent, and wise.

Always giving and helping through

Good times and bad.

You are the best friend I've ever had.

If I had one wish it would surely be

To give you as much as you've given to me.

Though I've put our relationship through some cloudy days,

You've been my sunshine in so many ways.

Through trials and tests, right by me

You stood,

And gave me your hand whenever you could.

Thank you so much my sister, my friend

My gratitude for you has no end...

My dear Big Sis, you are the greatest there is, And amazing in everyway. I greatly admire and look up to you, Each and every day. You are always showing how much you care, From your heart that is filled with love. You are a beautiful Angel, Sent from the heavens above. I am the luckiest Sis in the world, To have grown up next to you. We played and laughed and had fun together, A great bond that has always stayed true. Big Sis you are always in my heart & thoughts, And I am always sending you a hug and kiss. You are my world and I love you so much, Always and Forever...Your Lil' Sis.

Sisters are probably the most competitive relationship within the family, but once the sisters are grown, it becomes the strongest relationship. A sister smiles when one tells one's stories - for she knows where the decoration has been added. A sister can be seen as someone who is both ourselves and very much not ourselves - a special kind of double. How do people make it through life without a sister? Plus, a note for the future; If your sister is in a tearing hurry to go out and cannot catch your eye, she's wearing your best sweater. The mildest, drowsiest sister has been known to turn tiger if her sibling is in trouble. A sister is a forever friend. I know some sisters who only see each other on Mother's Day and some who will never speak again. But most are like my sister and me... linked by volatile love, best friends who make other best friends ever so slightly less best. When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?

Hence, I say this once more...

"So baby I will wait for you, Cause I don''t know what else i can do. Don't tell me I ran out of time, If it takes the rest of my life, Baby I will wait for you :):)" Missin you already my sweet love, take care and smile. Remember, whatever happens, apeye's always just a msg or phone call away. Don't hesitate, it 's not any different from when you were here... :):) Love you sweetheart. ♫ Balwin penji, Balwin penji, Balwin penji, Balwin penji.. ♫ xoxo

P.S. It still is; "We're not gonna break cuz we both still believe, we know what we've got and we've got what we need, alright, we're doing something right... Cause it's Us against the world, you and me against them all, if you're listenin to these words know that we're standing tall, I don't ever see the day that i won't catch you when you fall, cause it's us against the world, forever..." ♥ ♥ ♥

......The Show.........

2010-01-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried and I don't know why

Slow it down, make it stop or else my heart is going to pop

'Cause it's too much, yeah it's a lot to be something I'm not

I'm a fool out of love 'cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down

I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show

The sun is hot in the sky just like a giant spotlight

The people follow the signs and synchronize in time

It's a joke nobody knows, they've got a ticket to the show

Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down

I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle

Life is a maze and love is a riddle

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

I've tried and I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment

I'm so scared but I don't show it

I can't figure it out, it's bringing me down

I know I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show

I want my money back, I want my money back

I want my money back, just enjoy the show

I want my money back, I want my money back

I want my money back, just enjoy the show...

♥ ♥ ♥

New Year, New Life, New Crossroad

2010-01-16T11:46:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like the whole world was moving so fast, except for you? Like everything is just zooming past your eyes and you're too slow to see it? Like you're so tired of running, from trying to catch up, and you just wanna stop and take break, but you can't - as the idea of being left behind in this century horrifies you? I do. It's only been a couple of weeks ever since the beginning of school and already, I've got plenty of work piled up - all of which are pending. It's finally the weekend, but somehow, it just doesn't feel like it. My first exams of the year start this week, and the last day is the 28th. You see, at times like this is when i feel like my life totally sucks! You wanna know why? My one and only sister is leaving to India, to continue her studies in Physiotherapy. She leaves on the 28th of this month, smack on the last day of my exam. And to add on to my misery, my paper is only in the morning, it's a half day thing. After which, i'm free. and my sister's flight is at 9 a.m. && that is a perfect example of my life!

Yes, i do know that I should be sitting in my room, glued to my books, but i just can't help it! It's just that; all these millions of questions and plans and hopes are just floating and disturbing my petite mind. All i can think about are the things i've got to say, and do. To that effect, a certain someone whom i've been really missing ever so dearly, for some time now, for whatever reason - only God knows - i don't know. *sigh* The time I spend in school, surrounded by all my friends, those times are fine. The presence of this memory is there, but simply just like something in the background; irrelevant, meaningless, petty and worthless. However so, the minute i'm alone, or i get back home, away from the laughter and talking, it all comes rushing back. Like something so vivid, real and crucial. This memory, this yearn and longing - it's not like any other feeling in the world. It's not like that usual " Oh, I miss you! " Somehow, this feels different. It's like a presence; always there with me. It's a fear. It's cold and terrifying. It's painful and heartbreaking. It's mind boggling and discombobulating. It's the opposite of what I usually feel. A feeling so strong and severe, it gets me weak and down. I don't know why it's happening. It's been months and not once have I felt his absence. But all of a sudden, out of the blue, it's back & it's haunting me. Whatever it is, I'm missing him ever so dearly, and i know for a fact - he doesn't care - and it doesn't exactly make things any better, at all. Just keeping my fingers crossed that it will go away, or else, i need help! It's now just like a chip on my shoulder.

It's my last year in school and I wanna enjoy it. Don't wanna waste it all on studying and exams and well, whining!I guess it'd be best for me to get back to work - before the dragon clamps down on me. My dear loves, take care and good luck with life! Hugs and Kisses... ♥ ♥ ♥

Goodbye 2009, Welcome 2010

2010-01-01T14:42:00.000+08:00

Once again, a whole other year has just passed right in front of our eyes and we couldn't care any less with anything around us, thinking that it's a long way too go, we still have time, thus, procrastinating. However, it's the last day of the year, ALREADY! and we're all simply shocked at how quickly it all passed. Speaking for myself, I can still so clearly remember 1st January 2009 - crystal clear memory, like it was yesterday. It's scary and creepy. Today, we shall spend the day reminiscing on all major and minor events in the year 2009. For some, it may be one of the worst years of their life and for others, one the BEST! :) In my case, i'd say i'm somewhere in the middle.

There even are some memories that people all over the world can share! Not so good things this year - a major recession, AH1N1 virus - Swine Flu, the demise of some amazing idols like the KING OF POP - Micheal Jackson; "Business Philosopher/ Entrepreneur" - Jim Rohn & Hollywood Legends - Brittany Murphy, Patrick Swayze, James Whitmore, Natasha Richardson, Farrah Fawcett, Karl Malden, John Hughes and others. Now, as for the Good Things - Barack Hussein Obama was inaugurated as the 44th, and first African American, President of the United States of America; Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir was appointed as the new Prime Minister of Iceland, becoming the world's first openly lesbian head of government; The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occured over parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean; the releases of some award-winning movies like Duplicity, Fast and Furious 4, Obsessed, Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Terminator Salvation, The Taking of Pelham 123, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, My Sister's Keeper, Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs, I Love You Beth Cooper, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, The Ugly Truth, Aliens in the Attic, District 9, Inglorious Basterds, The Final Destination 4, Surrogates, Astro Boy, Micheal Jackson's This Is It, Disney's A Christmas Carol, 2012, Planet 51, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, The Princess and the Frog, Avatar, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakuel, The Reader, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and etc etc.

Besides that, there are also memories that we don't share together as 1 world, but as individuals, as couples, as families or even as a country. As for me, here are some precious memories that I've gotten out of the year 2009:

Mended a relationship with an ex-best friend of 3 years and haven't been apart ever since.
Got elected as the head girl in school.
Sarted blogging.
Finally went out for a movie with a certain someone.
Discovered some old, long-lost friends.

... and thats all that i can think of right now. But, a lot has happened and taken place throughout the year. It has been a fairly balanced year, If I may say so. So, with warmth in our hearts, smile on our faces, strength and courage in our minds and soul, we face new experiences and challenges that await us in the new year of 2010, where we will once again, create our own, new memories! :) Hence, lets all stand together, hand-in-hand, and welcome this year and accept some change in our lives. Let's actually stick to our resolutions this time. ♥

Come on everyone, let's all welcome the new year with an open mind and with a mission and a motive to make this world -our world- a better, happier, healthier, safer and peaceful place to live in. Let's make the dream of "Pay It Forward" finally come true. Let's all do our share, and everything that we can do to help. Let's go into 2010 with a mindset of wanting to help more, to rejoice more, to make people smile. Let's leave behind all the grudges, anger, jealousy and regrets, in the year 2009, and enter this year and new people. Make new resolutions, new friends, new habits. :) Remember, it only takes one act of random kindness everyday, to make this place we call Earth a better and happier one to live in! ♥ ♥ ♥

♥ The Heartbreak ♥

2009-12-30T18:19:00.000+08:00

So, this same routine, just went on and on. Amy was simply disgusted by the fact that he'd be willing to go through so much trouble with a girl who's 6 years older to him and and treats him with no respect for him, whatsoever. At least, thats what she got out of all of Ryan's stories. Until slowly, Ryan started avoiding Amy. She'd text him and there'd be no reply, she calls him and again- no reply... Amy starts getting a little irritated, and she quits trying. But then, after a while, he texts her and they get to talking, and in a moment everything felt like it was back to usual, just like the olden days. However, the next day, once again, a no-show. and this whole cycle goes on - he disappears & ignores her completely, suddenly he texts her out of nowhere, and then again he goes back to ignoring her. This routine lasts for about a year and as the months go by, the time Amy spent without any contact from Ryan seemed to increase. In that time, Amy discovers some horrible secrets about Ryan, that he had always hidden from her. For one, it was that he had started smoking, and apparently, it had been going on for a very long time, even while she had been dating him. Besides that, also that he was drinking uncontrollably. She even finds out that he still had feelings for his ex, the girl before Amy, and always had those feelings for her. So, it all just aggravates the situation, but still, every time Amy received a text from Ryan, all her anger seems to melt away, like it was never there in the first place, going from a clear, strong feeling to being something so petty and unimportant that it fell back into the background. One day, he agrees to meet up with her, and fulfill the one promise that he had made to go on a date with Amy - among the many many other promises that were left unattended - She went with a friend of hers, and they met up with each other, and went for a movie. During the movie, they talked more than they watched the movie - as the lights dimmed, Ryan held Amy's hand and never let it go throughout the entire time. About an 1 hour into a movie, out of nowhere, Ryan kisses Amy on her cheek, and as she turned to look at him, once again, he kissed her, this time: a peck on the lips. She remained silent, tongue-tied and speechless. Throughout the movie, they exchange glances over and over again and they'd just smile at each other. Just as the movie was about to finish, Ryan had to leave. His friends were waiting for him. So, as he was leaving, once again, he hugged her and kissed Amy on her cheek. Instantaneously, that kiss turn into a more meaningful one as he kissed her once again on the lips, this time, longer. And that was the end of the day for both of them together. Amy spent days, reminiscing with pure glee, and a broad smile every time she thought about that last kiss. As as time passed, it got worse, until the it ended. It was the last - the last straw, the last call, the last text, the last try, the last hope. It was some time in September as present as the year 2009. It was the last time Amy saw Ryan. After that, constant no-shows from school. She later finds out that he had been suspended from school, up until the time that he had to sit for his exams, that were bound to be held in November. The last ever contact that he did have with him was on the 24th of October, during a carnival that was being held in their school. Amy's class had organised a haunted house for that day. Consequently, she was swamped and extremely busy that day, as she was on the organizing committee of the whole booth. Amy was in the middle of a tour, with a bunch of students, in the haunted house, when she got 2 calls from Ryan. Considering the time and place at the moment, she couldn't answer his calls. On second thought, she was also a bit too pissed to be talking to him at the moment. Anyhow, and that was it. That was all she got. Just two phone calls and she never heard from him again after that. At the end of that day, she had gotten a terribly high fever and was under the weather for about a whole week after that. Yet, all she could think about was everything that had happened. Amy was shattered, broken, hurt. She thought all day long about how worthless she seemed to be to Ryan. Was that all she was worth? Two missed calls and that was it? I mean, if he really cared, he would have tried harder. But no, nothing - Nada. And so, she spent her days just drowned in all that was left of their relationship - memories. As sson as the new year has started, it was the end of the road for Ryan, as he graduated last year. As for now, Amy is a senior in high school and it is her last year in school, very much like me! :) To date, these two have had no contact, whatsoever. However, they've still got a long way to go. && if it is meant to be, something will work out between them both and they'll meet each other again very soon... as for now, Amy walks on her own, and is taking control of her own life! :) after a very long time. ♥ Remember, it's the journey of endless crossroads - in this case, relationships ♥

Saigon City, Vietnam

2009-12-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

An Experience to Remember...♥

Day 1 - 16th Dec 2009

The day begins at 6a.m. with the sound of my dad's voice saying "Girls, wake up. We're getting late and we gotta go." Still in a sleepy daze, I open my eyes, puzzled as to what my dad had just meant by that. It took about 3 seconds after that for me to realize that this was it, it was the day we leave to the beautiful Ho Chi Minh City! We glamorized and added in some last-minute stuff into our bags and hit the road by 7a.m. to the LCC Terminal. We checked in our luggage, grabbed a bite to eat at Marrybrown's and went on to the boarding area at Gate 12. Soon, the lady on the PA announced: "Air Asia, Flight AK 88O, to Ho Chi Minh City, is now boarding at Gate 12." So, we handed in our boarding passes and got onto that huge aircraft. I grabbed the window seat, so I had the privilege of enjoying the oh-so-B-E-A-utiful view of sunrise and just the scenery of the clouds. It all looked so unreal, it felt like a dream!♥ It was a 2 hour flight and my eyes had been set outside that window all the way through, even while having my on-board meal - The Malaysian all-time famous, Nasi Lemak. Before I knew it, we had safely arrived at our destination. We got our luggage, went through immigration successfully, walked out of the doors of the airport and kept a look out for someone from the company that my dad was going to be working with for the next couple of days - ACE Training, Vietnam. My dad spotted a skinny, somewhat pretty girl, and knew in an instant, that she is who we're looking for - only because of the uniform she was wearing, of course! So, she took us to the van where the driver had been waiting, we got in and hence, begun our holiday at Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam a.k.a Saigon City. As soon as we got out of the airport, the first thing that had caught mine and my sister's eyes was a huge poster on the classy exterior of a Parkson Mall... The picture read: -as shown below-

My sister and I, we were both so very excited seeing this, and thought that we so had to take a picture of it! :) Anyhow, before we go on, I should mention that Vietnam drivers are psychotic and the traffic is simply crazy, mainly because of the fact that they have more motorcycles than cars and other 4-wheeled vehicles. Its all simply CRAZY! All of us felt like we were going to die within 5 minutes of entering the city. It is an awesome experience though ;p We got to our hotel, checked-in, and washed up a little. My dad left for work after that while I browsed through the TV channels and was very pleased with the fact that they almost all of our ASTRO channels; Disney, HBO, Cinemax, Star Movies, Star World, AXN, Star Sports, ESPN, NatGeo, Discovery and etc, etc. Later that evening, we - the 3 señoritas -beautified and got ready for dinner with my dad and his fellow colleagues. The driver picked us up at 6.30p.m. local time - 7.30p.m. back home - and took us to a traditional, Vietnamese restaurant, where we were seated and had to wait for the rest of the gang for an hour or so. The dishes were very different for change for example, they had a bowl of salad, spring rolls, some weird kinds of steamed and rolled food with a special sauce for each dish - which is in fact, their specialty. As unappealing as the food appeared to look, yet I tried every single one of it, at the very least, a bite of each delicacy presented to us that night - just for the sake of trying. Then, we left to get back to our hotel while the others stayed back and mingled more. On the way back, we found out that my dad had made plans with a close family friend to meet up with him, so as soon we got there, he and his wife had been waiting for us. We met up with them and decided to go out for some drinks, where they ordered the similar meal as dinner earlier. We couldn't believe our eyes and me and my sister just quietly exchanged looks and indulged once again in the same type of cuisine. We got back to the hotel, collected our room cards from the counter in the lobby, and went upstairs to the 8th floor - the highest floor - where my parents got into their room, while me and my sister got into our room. We switched on the TV and watched some shows until we fell asleep.

Day 2 - 17th Dec 2009
We were awake pretty early. Went downstairs for some buffet breakfast. Saw dad go off to work and the 3 of us gt ready. the driver was at our doorstep in half an hour. We gathered all our things and sprinted out of our rooms, just to find our tour guide for the day waiting for us in the hotel lobby. we got into the van and the tour begun. They - the driver and tour guide - first drove us to a Pagoda, which was about 1 and a half hours away from the city. It was tall, had many floors, and simply BEAUTIFUL! It was the Pagoda of a religion in Vietnam-Cao Đài. Cao Đài contains elements of various other religions from both the east and the west. These include precepts fromBuddhism, Christianity, Confucianism, Taoism, Hinduism and other major religions around the globe . Elements of different religions are also evident in church architecture and to the eye of the outsider these buildings appear unusual and crowded with clashing ideas; although most Vietnamese people classify themselves as non-religious. After that, we were taken to the Mekong River, where we took a boat ride across the river to visit two - among the many - islands nearby. First, we went to an Island which was simple, with some stalls by the side of the walkway, and then, we stopped over for some honey lemon tea, which is some kind of specialty over there. The nature surrounding us was GORGEOUS! :) Stopped once more, to taste some of the famous Tropical Fruits of Vietnam -Dragon fruit, Sapodilla, Pineapple, etc - while enjoying a couple of village songs by the people working there. Apparently, they do all of this for charity and don't get a single cent for their hard work, day and night. So, we decided to contribute a little bit before we left. Then, had a little tour around the island, before we moved on to the next one. There, we visited a coconut candy factory, where a few Vietnamese ladies were sitting and wrapping all the sweets - manually. The entire process is carried out by hand, besides the one machine that they use to mix some milk, coconut, sugar and etc. Then, we were taken back to the mainland. We got into our tour-van and headed to a place on the way for lunch, where AGAIN, we were served with authentic Vietnamese food. By this time, The 3 of us missed home cooking so much, because their food seems to be the same all around - it wasn't bad, just got a little boring. Anyways, we snapped a couple of pictures there, and then, headed back to the hotel. The journey was long, and on top of that, the traffic was at a chocker block. It was simply terrible - due to the big football game later that evening, Vietnam vs Malaysia, for the finals of the SEA Games. People were selling flags along the roadside and had drawn the Vietnamese flag on their faces and painted their bodies with the national colours of Vietnam. We finally arrived at the hotel, where my dad had been waiting for us at the lobby. We were advised not to go anywhere that night as the town would be madly crowded because of the game. So, we decided to stay in, until we got hungry. My parents told us to stay while they went and got us some food. After about half an hour, they got back, with KFC in their hands! :) We had never been that happy to get KFC in our lives! ;p lol. We enjoyed the meal - truly finger lickin' good! We watched the game from our hotel room, then decided to call it a night.
P.S. Ironically, our tour guide's name was Việt - named after his country :)

Day 3 - 18th Dec 2009

The plans for the morning was the same - have breakfast, see dad go off to work and get ready for our day ahead. What was different about today was that we were being taken on a tour around the city, by the same girl who picked us up from the airport. In the hotel room, my sister 'makes a deal' with me - claiming that since she had to make the effort of making small talk with the tour guide yesterday, Today it was my turn to do it, with this girl - Jamie. I tried, but she just seemed to click with my sister more, and chose to hang with my sister, So, I just stood back and smirked at the two best friends - bonding. Hey, I tried, but there just wasn't anything that we could do! :):) Anyways, we first visited a famous cathedral in Vietnam - Saigon Notre-Dame Basilica a.k.a Nhà thờ Đức Bà Sài Gòn. It is a huge, red building with a tall statue of Virgin Mary in front of it. Just next to it, was the Central Post Office (Bưu điện thành phố). We crossed the ever so busy road to get to it. It is simply gigantic. We bought a few postcards from there, and that was all. Finally, we went shopping! at the Chợ Bến Thành a.k.a Ben Thanh Market, which was where we did most of our shopping, in fact, All of it! :):) After a day of seeing things around there, we realized that shopping isn't that cheap in Vietnam. The only that is cheaper and more valuable there compared to Malaysia, is their traditional Vietnamese Cheongsam, known as áo dài and their handicrafts. We bought all the things and went for lunch at a beautiful restaurant, with the same - Vietnamese cuisine. After that, we went back to the hotel to freshen up and went out again as we were supposed to meet my dad and his colleagues once again for dinner. Much to our dismay, we ended up going to the exact same restaurant as to where we had our lunch that very day. So, we ate the same 'specially dish' of that restaurant, together with some different side orders, amongst which were a dish with stuffed snails! My sister and I were too disturbed as to seeing my dad enjoy all the food, including the snails with so much joy! Urgh. Dinner was finally over. We said our goodbyes and left to get back to the hotel. After a while, my sister complained that she was hungry - as usual. So, the 3 of us gals left my dad in the room to shower and wash up, while we walked to a Malay restaurant next door. My sister got the Roti Canai and my mom got the Mamak Mee Goreng and her Teh Tarik which she had been missing ever so dearly! :) We got back, and they started eating when i decided to go to bed - I was simply too exhausted! - without even changing.

Day 4 - 19th Dec 2009

This was it. It was the day that we left the city. We got up early, packed our stuff and got ready to go to the house of the close family friend, one last time before we left. Had some nice Punjabi breakfast - Parantha with acar and veggie cutlets - not forgetting, Punjabis' all time favourite hobby, gossiping about the world, as usual. We went back to our hotel, where my dad left us to go for his last meeting of the trip. We decided to get a ride from the driver to drop us off somewhere in the middle of town. We walked around, from shop to shop. We wanted to visit the Opera House as well, but it was closed for the day. So, we just decided to walk to our hotel -of course we had to find the way back - while checking out all the stores along the way. We were exhausted by the time we reached the hotel, but it was an extremely fun and adventurous experience! :) We washed up and took our luggage downstairs, checked out of the rooms and then, headed off to the office where my dad had been working. The office was on the 3rd floor of a building where the first two floors were in fact a shopping mall. So, we hung around there for a while - I tried on a gorgeous dress, which I loved, but I looked a bit too old for my age, so I decided not to get it. Me and my sister bought matching tops ;p and got it for a reasonable price because of the Christmas Sale. You gotta love Christmas! :):) Then we met up with my dad and one of his colleagues for lunch. Later, we went back upstairs to say our goodbyes and take a few pictures, of course! and we left for the airport. On the way, we made one last stop to visit another Pagoda within the city itself - Giac Lam Pagoda a.k.a Chùa Giác Lâm - a historic Buddhist Pagoda, built in 1744, it is one of the oldest temples in the city. Finally, we reached the airport. We checked in our luggage, and went over to a restaurant in the airport, just nearby the boarding gates, that overlooked the runway for the airplanes. Simply Amazing! :) We had a quick meal and went over to the our boarding gate - Gate 15 - where we all waited anxiously for the announcement. Soon, the lady over the PA announced that our flight was going to be slightly delayed. so, we decided to buy some chocolates from the duty free store in the airport. Then it was time, we handed in our boarding passes and got onto the airplane to head back home. Once again, I grabbed the window seat. :) I only realised how homesick I was until the flight attendant announced that we had reached our destination - Kuala Lumpur - in both English and Malay. We had arrived ahead of schedule despite the flight delay. On that note, and also for a smooth landing, a few passengers clapped for the pilot as soon as we landed. We got our luggage, and walked out of the LCC Terminal, only to find my sister's boyfriend, waiting to welcome us home! :)

Despite all the trouble and 'food crisis', we had loads of fun at this holiday. It was an adventure, exciting and fulfilling, it was indeed one heck of an experience! :):) ♥

The Text Message...

2009-12-15T18:35:00.000+08:00

The text reads... "Jaan, i've been thinking, why don't we take our relationship to the next level? I mean, I love you, I really do. And I can't stop thinking about you, and I want you , I want you real bad! So, what do you think, Will you, Amy Kathleen Gill, be my girlfriend, please?"

From then on, Amy considered herself to be the happiest person on the planet! Of course, she had to keep it discreet because they were both from families of to different religions and both families were active members of the community. Other than that, everything seemed like it was perfect. Plus, they added a couple of new 'names' for each other - baby, my love, my husband/wife, sayang etc. From what Amy could tell, they were having a blast.

One night, about a week before Ryan's birthday, they were having their usual, romantic 'couple talk' when Ryan decides to ask her a question...

Ryan: B, can i ask you something?

Amy: Yes, anything!

Ryan: Who in your family knows about us?

Amy: Well, only my very closest cousins and my siz. Why?

Ryan: What do you think will happen if your parents or your brother find out?

Amy: Hmm, my brother would probably kill you first and then kill me! :) haha

Ryan: C'mon b, seriously.

Amy: Jaan, i don't know la. I guess they'd freak out and ground me, take away my phone, stop me from ever seeing you or talking to you again... I honestly have no idea though. It's just a wild guess.

Ryan: What if you tell them?

Amy: Oh please, don't even think about it b. You have no idea how much i want to, all this hiding, it's exhausting! :( But still, i don't mind it for you. && it's way easier on you because your family knows, and they're fine with it.

Ryan: Yeah, my ENTIRE family by the way! :)

Amy: Right, i forgot.

Ryan: Hmm, don't worry about it baby, I LOVE YOU and I'll always be with you.

Amy: Thanks sayang, I Love You too..♥

They continue texting all night long.......

Ever since that conversation on that day, something had been offbeat with Ryan. He just always looks so tensed and he always seemed tormented through his eyes. Amy knew something was up, that something had been vexing him, deep down, behind that strong, confident exterior that he carried around. SO, she decides to confront him, she tries to level with him, trying to fathom this gruesome trouble that feels like it was sucking the life out of him, over and over again, but every time he's with her, he would be completely distant in the beginning, but slowly he'll come back to his old self and he'd be like nothing was wrong, denying the truth every time she confronted him. This went on, his birthday came and passed, and then...

On a Saturday, Amy had a little movie date with her sister. At the early break of dawn, as she got ready for her date, she texted Ryan, as she usually does, but there was no reply. She knocked herself out, over and over again she texted him but still - no reply. She was starting to get really worried about him but she tried to act as collected and sane as she could manage. Later on, in the evening, just as she was about to go home, Amy gets a text message from Ryan'sphone.

"Hey Amy, Ryan has gone out-station and he didn't take his phone."

She felt a wave of relieve going done her spine. And she replies, "Okay, thank you. Can I know who this is?" and from then, a whole conversation begun... "You're most welcome. I'm Rebecca, Ryan's cousin"

Amy: Oh okay, it's nice to meet you.

Rebecca: You too. I've heard a lot about you.

Amy: I wish I could say the same about you :)

Rebecca: haha, that's okay.

Amy: Do you have any idea when he's going to be back?

Rebecca: I believe they should be home by tonight. These boys wouldn't miss church tmrw for anything! :)

Amy: Yeah, i know how much he loves it.

and they keep going on and on, about each other and about Ryan, then...

Rebecca: Amy, can i ask you something?

Amy: Yeah sure, anything.

Rebecca: Do you know what's wrong with Ryan?

Amy: What do you mean?

Rebecca: It's just that he really hasn't been himself lately, and i've been talking to him, but he seems very disturbed. Has he said anything to you?

Amy: Yeah, i've noticed. Not really, he just says that he's fine. I honestly don't know what's wrong.

Rebecca: I think I may have a rough idea. he was telling me yesterday that you guys were talking about something the other day, a few nights before his birthday, and that had been bothering him a little, that's all. Have any idea what it might be?

Amy: Oh my God! I know exactly what it is. He asked me what would happen if my family found out, and i told him that they probably wouldn't be too happy about it. That actually makes perfect sense, because he's been acting awkward ever since. He mentioned that he wanted to talk to me, just a couple of days before his birthday.

Rebecca: Yeah, that must be it. You know he loves you very much right?

Amy: I hope so :)

Rebecca: He does! You know, the other day, on his birthday, I came over to see him but he was asleep. When I went into his room, I saw him sleeping, holding on to something. He was holding it so tight, and his face sad. It was a photo frame. I pulled it out of his tightly gripped arms. Amy, it was a picture of you. And it wasn't that 1st time i'd caught in that position. And it wasn't the first time you know.

Amy: What do I do Rebecca? How do I make him feel better again?

Rebecca: If you ask me, I'd say it would be best for you to let go.

Amy: Yeah, i've considered it.

Rebecca: It's not going to be easy Amy, bout you've gotta do it. And you guys can still be friends after that. & I'm saying this Because I've done it before myself.

Amy: Yeah, i guess you're right. I'll do it, but i don't wanna hurt him.

Rebecca: I'm sure he'll understand.

And so they went on talking all night long. The next day, Sunday, It was exactly 5 days after Ryan's birthday. As soon as Amy got up, She turned on her phone and she had a text from Ryan.

Ryan: Amy...

Amy: Hey handsome, good morning.

Ryan: Hey, how are you?

Amy: I'm okay.

Ryan: I heard you had a little chat with Rebecca yesterday.

Amy: Yeah, i did. She's really lovely, and very nice.

Ryan: Yes.

Amy: So what did you wanna talk to me about?

Ryan: Amy, I know that you already know it. Rebecca told me everything.

Amy: Yeah well, i wanna hear you say it.

Ryan: You know very well that we can't go ahead with this right sweetie.

Amy: Hmm, yeah. It's just sad.

Ryan: I know it is. it's sad but true.

Amy: Okay.

Ryan: But I promise that we will stay the best of friends, forever. A'ight? and you'll always be my jaan. Remember that. I gotta go now. I'm at church.

Amy: Thanks jaan. Okay, have fun. Bye.

and that was it, that was the beginning of Amy's Happily Never After with Ryan.

She was hurting, She was heartbroken, torn at the very core of her heart, she cried, all day long, and as soon as she managed to gather herself, the tears would come flooding back. Some days, she'd be in a deep daze, her mind just messed up, she hated the fact of not being able to get him out of her mind. She'd lay in bed for hours and hours with tears streaming down her face.

However, Amy and Ryan still texted, and they still kept in touch. Months passed, and he stopped texting her anymore, he started ignoring her, avoiding Amy, the girl that used to be "the love of his life" - as he had said. and once in a while, he would decide to reply to one of the plenty messages that she'd send him.About a month or 2 after they broke up, Ryan announces that he is in a new relationship with a girl from his church who is 6 years older to him.Yet, Amy stands by him, telling him how happy she is for him, listening to him every time he had a fight or a bad day with her, and she used to help him, advise him, just so that he could mend his relationship with this girl.

AND THE STORY CONTINUES...

The Forbidden Love Affair

2009-12-14T18:38:00.001+08:00

The Ultimate Love Story of star-crossed lovers;

The story of teenage girl and a guy just a year older than her...

A true Story, told from deep inside, the very core of the girl's heart. A dream come true that changed into a tragedy within a blink of an eye.

A Personal Touch: Lets give them names, shall we?
The girl; Amy and the guy; Ryan.

And the Story Begins...

Amy and Ryan had been schoolmates for the past 1 and a half years and she always knew him only in two ways;
1. He was close friends with her best friend, Kelly.
2. Her sister and his brother were classmates and the best of friends.
Never in her wildest dreams had she imagine to even have a decent conversation with him, let alone a relationship. So, it all begins with a friendly email from the Ryan,
Day 1
Ryan: Hey Gorgeous. Have an IM account?
Amy: (shocked) Hey there, sure I do, here it is...

Day 2

Ryan: Cool. I've already added you.

Amy: Okay, i've accepted. ;p

Ryan: Hey, if you don't mind my asking, Could I have you phone number?

Amy: Sure, of course. Why would I mind..? My number is 01.......... Text me so that i'll have yours. :)

... and that was the end of the emails but the start of texts.

Ryan texts her the next day and they both save each other's contacts, hence from then on, they begun a new relationship - Friendship.

Day in, Day out. They were texting. ALL THE TIME!

For months, they carried on this newfound habit, of meeting in school and texting for the rest of the day after that. Amy was very happy and pleasantly enjoying every minute of this, and she assumed that he was too, seeing as the way they would be texting. He doesn't at all seem like the person he portrays himself to be in the company of his buddies. He was a completely different guy around her, he said things like they were out of a movie, he treated like she meant the world to him, he made her feel important and most importantly, he made her feel loved! Their conversations would go on and on just talking about themselves and their lives, they shared their feelings with each other, they even flirted every now and then, just randomly said things like "I Miss You" or "Jaan, you're the best thing has ever happened to me." or "I can't stand being so far away from you" and etc. At the time, Amy was dating some other guy, who she never really liked to begin with, but just dated him anyways because he had a crush on her, and also because of a girl that used to be one of her best friends and also because he was a very close friend of her cousin's - she didn't want to hurt him. When Amy's 'boyfriend'- it never really was a relationship to begin with, they only talked one in awhile and that was about it - finds out that she has become pretty close to this guy, Ryan, he starts acting up and being a little to ridiculous at times.

So, she decides to end it with him on Christmas Day of that year, which was about 2 weeks after she first started talking to Ryan.

That night, at about 11pm, they finally get to talk...

Amy: Hey, what are you up to today?

B.F : Nothing much, i'm so exhausted. Just got back from work. This internship thing is really sucking the life out of me!

Amy: Why don't you go and get some rest, i'll talk to you tmrw.

B.F : No, it's fine. I haven't spoken to you all day long anyways.

Amy: You sure?

B.F : Yeah, when i get tired, i'll let you know. So how was your day? What did you do?

Amy: Okay, if you insist. Oh nothing much. I was supposed to go to Kelly's house today but i couldn't, I was grounded. So, i just stayed home, texting my friends.

B.F : Which friends?

Amy: Plenty. Why?

B.F : Just curious. C'mon, give me some specifics.

Amy: Okay. Kelly, Lisa, Jasz, Mysandra etc, etc. Can we drop it now?

B.F : Who else? I'm sure Ryan was involved as well.

Amy: You know what, Yes, he was.

B.F : Why was he talking to you, what about?

Amy: He's my friend, he can talk to whenever he wants to and he say whatever he wants to. How does that matter to you? I don't understand why you get so jealous all time!

B.F : Because I know guys better than you. There's a reason why i'm 3 years older to you.

Amy: Oh really? Enlighten me then.

B.F : I can't get into another one this fights with you again. I feel like I don't know you anymore.

Amy: You never did know me! and guess what, i couldn't agree more with you. I can't fight with you anymore.

B.F : What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Amy: It means that I'm breaking up with you. I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry.

B.F : What?!?!?

Amy: Listen, our relationship has never been that strong to begin with, but we can always stay friends you know. I just, can't do this anymore. It's not you, It's me, it's all me. You're great! I just can't do this. I'm sorry.

B.F : Just stay away from me. Don't bother texting me anymore. I don't want to talk to you! My friends and everyone, they warned me. They told me that you weren't worth it, that you were a manipulative b**ch, but i ignored it. I didn't listen. && today you've just proved them all right! You're nothing but an arrogant, selfish, b**ch who uses people, and doesn't care about anyone else but yourself. Just stay away from me!

After this, she doesn't bother replying to his text anymore. and just went on with her life, with her friends and Ryan. Ever since, She was ever so close to Ryan. They used to call each other Honey, Sweetheart, Jaan, Darling, Dear, Sweetie, and every other sweet word there is.

Then in May the following year, on the night of Amy's sister's birthday, as they were texting each other, they're conversation suddenly gets serious. They both talk about taking their relationship to the next level. Then, at the very second the clock strikes 12, to mark the next day, a new day, Amy's phones rings. She picks it up, only to see that she has received a text from Ryan. She opens it, and reads it and at that very moment, her heart skips a beat.

TO BE CONTINUED.......